Just in case you're wondering why I'm writing.....

I'm a manic depressant with very violent tendencies and self destructive thoughts.  I know this but I don't understand how I turned out this way at all.  I've been self-destructive of good relationships and have at times, constantly thought of dying and the joy of going to heaven.  Maybe if I put all this mess down somewhere,,I can remember more and more and then try to put it in chronological order,

I want to know why I am the way I am.  I'm not a bad person, I love with everything I have, I help others anyway possible, even to the point of putting my own self into debt.  My heart breaks for those less fortunate and I get really angry with child molesters,,,,I actually think of ways to just kill them. 
You know, like cut off their penis and shove it down their throats till they choke, cut off their ball sake so they bleed to death slowly or just bash them in the head with a brick, over and over and over.

Wait, I'm moving out of the childhood that I get little thoughts/memories of,,better stick to that now.
 

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